Dear Intern ep14. FAANG?!

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Thank you Xinpeng for your kind words. You said such nice things about me. The moment you and Jiayi picked me up at Massel Quad and carried my luggage up to the highest stairs (Usen 304!), you have been a big brother to me. I still remember we had a short call when I was crashing out due to getting caught by ChatGPT and being submitted to the University sthsth board. I was crying inside Dylan’s house at a tennis party. You told me to go home but I didn’t and I think I just hung up.

…

.

Fashionably Late

I was in Ashtray’s car. Pumped up bass, pumped up gas pedal. My hair was all over my face but the vibe is hitting. I like the fast lanes and fast turns. I felt the centrifugal force pulling me left and right, and I let it.

But my mind was so around the call. The 1-hr late, upcoming call.

Tuesday around 2 pm, Lauren asked if I could call her today, and we confirmed the time, 4:30 ET. Ever since then, my mind has not been in place. Apartment, office, Uber. Dame me. All I can think about is the call. The call I have been waiting for since 5/20, 5/27, since I interviewed with Meta, honestly. Since I started admiring Froggie and seeing his amazing, splendid, beautiful office. Since I got the internship at Seurat…

I have been feeling so inferior. I thought nothing good would ever, ever happen to me. The having my hopes up and getting smashed by some hardass reality. When have they ever happened to me? It was always this lukewarm cradle that I am in. Something nice came by here and there, but that’s it. I am used to getting frustrated. The refreshing of the emails and panic strikes at unreasonable midnight hours. So even after I got the skip meeting invite, even when I got a quick follow-up after I followed up, I stayed skeptical.

Froggie said I’m chilling. “Imagine a girl is like - you wanna come to my place? Parents are not home.” And when the guy got a new packet of Trojans, the girl just shrugged and said, that’s all! Not much I wanna do.

So stop teasing me, Lauren, please. Just call me already.

Wednesday 4:20pm, I went to the phone room at Werfen. Phone fully on, even a laptop by my side. Froggie and Xu were so enthusiastic - IT’S COMING! They said.

A thousand thoughts were flushing inside my head when my phone was dead silent even around 4:40, 4:45, 5pm. Where is the recruiter? Was I right all along? Nothing good ever happens to me. Ever. Never. Tears were almost coming out and I started hyperventilating, inside the phone room at Werfen. It was hilarious.

Running out of time. Ashtray and I were about to leave for the city. A ride to a fun night of board games and alcohol. I have my alcohol. I was planning on secretly chewing on the good news while enjoying them. But what now? Thoughts were racing inside my head, but my phone was in total silence, until about half an hour later, Lauren texted me.

• Haven’t forgotten about you, Nancy.

She said that her dog had an emergency, and am I free today or tomorrow?

For real? I didn’t know what to feel. But I just could not wait a single day more. I told her I’m free all day fully. And then I just went back to my cubicle. I yapped with Ashtray as if nothing was happening, except I kept turning my head back towards my phone. Maybe it just had the slightest vibration that I missed. Maybe it’s a ping from Lauren. I could not wait any longer. I’ve been waiting since I became conscious, and ironically, to this moment I am still waiting. It was so much waiting.

I legitimately could not wait a single more day. I honestly do not care if she calls as I am drinking. I said I am free all day. And there was another full round of silence till a bit more than 5 pm.

Call

From victory shots to drinking in limbo?! But at least my brain can ride with the highway. If there’s no tomorrow, at least we are cruising.

I was in Ashtray’s car. He was playing Ghibli’s soundtrack and some other soundtracks. It was really cool. Again the turns and the speeding up were messing with my head, in a good way that I can stay off Apple for a bit. In brief moments of silence, I wish the ride were longer.

And it was when my phone rang, and I saw the name Lauren pop up on the screen. I hope I wasn’t acting too pretentious when I just said I kind of need to take this.

Ashtray immediately turned off the music and rolled up the window. Total, ungarnished silence.

Lauren’s voice was full of fatigue. She sounds a big younger than I imagined how her voice to be after stalking her LinkedIn.

She said her dog was under anesthesia, and I started feeling so bad about my doubts and whining. I thought about Xiaotian and what I would be like if he were under anesthesia. I would probably drop everything as well and behave even worse.

I held the phone near my ear. I was lowkey shaking, so I stupidly forgot I could plug in my earphones. I was stuttering, and my Chinese accent totally came out. It was not the ideal scenario where I wanted to have this call, but I legit could not think of a better scene than hearing from an Apple recruiter on the highway with trees and buildings disappearing in the reverse direction.

Lauren said, almost quote on quote, if my memory did not glitch, that she could finally provide me with feedback, as their deadlines were approaching as well. She said, the manager loves me, and I was their top candidate.

To this moment, riding a Greyhound bus from NYC to Boston, I do not know if she was being polite or if that was the truth…

She said, we would like to extend you an offer.

Offer

We all read people, and we label them. It all comes down to “she is a nice girl,” “he is fake af,” “they seem cool.”

How do you read and interpret a person in a short span of 45 minutes of Q&A? A short conversation, less than 30 minutes? And you need to decide whether you would want to work with this person for a possible many years ahead, mentor them, pay them, sponsor them. I talk with Ashtray in person now more than anyone in my life. More than my sister, Froggie, and my dad. I feel really lucky to meet him, but I didn’t get to choose, but suppose if you could, how do you make a decision like that within such a short amount of time, on Zoom?!

Lauren said, we would like to extend you an offer.

Then she started explaining to me the pay, the benefits, the relocation… I plugged the earphones into my phone. Yep, I finally realized that it is an option now. Lauren’s voice seamlessly transitioned to the earbuds.

All the employment benefits - they all just sound like English words to me now. So when she asked for my thoughts, I robotically said, “Sounds good.” Maybe she was thinking, does this candidate give a f. But I genuinely think they sound good. Nothing would sound better at this moment.

She said the official letter will come tomorrow. They were just waiting on the director, Cameron, to sign it off, which should not be an issue.

(The letter came in around 7pm the next day.)

“Cameron… who loves you…”

I did not remember how I felt. I did not know how to feel. Froggie told me if the recruiter would go through such a big hassle to call me, it is most definitely an offer. I am chilling. So maybe I already knew the answer a while back, and hence the nonchalance.

I was wishing for something like ecstasy, like, tears? An eventual relief? I was thinking I might cry? But it was just this nonchalant call on the ride, with my mentor/deskmate/peer(?) on my side.

Mentor

Another reason I seemed off during the call is that I was thinking about how to lie to Ashtray. I don’t want to let my coworker know I am jumping off to another gig in my second week of internship. I only knew him for less than two weeks. Although I think I can somehow confidently say “we are tight” now, are we though?

I was conceiving a story — it was my immigration officer calling me or something, but after I hung up, we looked at each other for a moment, I tried to grin.

“Did you just get a job offer bro?” He broke the silence, and I realized what a shitty move it would be if I lied.

He said he didn’t mean to pry but overheard, since, you know, it was the two front seats of a car. When you ride with someone together, it is difficult to hide anything. Also, I was using my corporate voice. That annoying fake-ass voice is usually only used in one of the limited conditions, including an offer call.

I awkwardly said yes. I know Ashtray thinks of landing somewhere bigger despite being at Werfen for 1 year. I don’t want to be the bitch who shows up as an intern who is ready to job hop in the second week.

He said, if I don’t mind him asking, where am I going? I said Austin, Texas. Which company? Apple.

I felt like I was bragging. Perhaps the pure fact itself will sound like bragging now. And I thought it might be destiny. My mentor is the first person to know the news. He heard most of the call honestly.

He said he is really happy for me. He gave me a pat. I might seem a bit too down for moments like that.

The traffic started piling up, giving us more time in the car to talk. We talked about our past interviews, our college days.

Before we arrived, I told him not to tell Abhi. I said I wanted to keep it lowkey. He said yes.

Boardgames

As we are entering the Cafe, I wanted to pay for Ashtray’s entrance fee. It was funny when both of us rushed to tap our phones, but only his got accepted. He paid for me last time when we hung out in F1. He said, I can take him out after I land some big tech jobs. The statement was coming back to me. My bank account was actually seeing blue, but I do want to flex a little bit. Failed attempt, but anyway…

Abhi and his girl Trishna arrived. We got 4 glasses out. Ashtray said, let’s drink! She (me) has been waiting all day! She even brought the tequila to work (teehee). He poured 2 shots for him and me, we clinked the glasses, tapped it on the desk, exchanged a look, and bottoms up. It was a celebration that only us two understand.

I love this. Shots right after that call. I actually think it is perfect.

For the rest of the night, we played some board games, had dominoes, joked, and laughed. When Abhi told us he actually plans to stay in Boston till December instead of the end of June and asked me what I am doing afterwards, I was having mixed feelings. I honestly only knew those two dudes for around 10 days, but it feels so much more than that.

I said, I don’t know. Let’s see!

Way back

I was going to pour Ashtray another shot, but he said, I can’t be too drunk! I gotta drive you back, remember?

He poured himself some wine instead. He said that is his shot.

…

When we left the Cafe, he said I should have the rest of the wine that he got for everyone. You should really have it. I don’t really drink. I just drink because you drink. He said.

The ride was equally fast. The bass was equally pumped. The wind was a bit sharper.

Ahh, I need to get ready for work tomorrow! I told Jiayi and Froggie the good news, along with a vivid description of all the above. Did I just finish undergrad and am going straight to Apple?! Am I a FANNG engineer now?!

I wanted to let the world know and be a narcissistic bitch right now, but I know I need to be lowkey until the official letter and background check go through. I woke up at 5am the next day due to the 4 shots I took, did a quick chill workout and went to work. My head was so heavy. I could not stay still on the seats. I could only watch the company’s anti-harassment videos as a filler because I really could not think. Perhaps the way I leaned back on the seat and the full-screen video made me look too relaxed. Ashtray thought I was just watching a show. I thought you were so bold lol. He said. Where’s your popcorn?

…

At the end of the day… I still feel like I know nothing. I don’t know how to ship real things. Am I really an engineer? Something never changes… Except for the fact that in August, I will be in Austin. Yee-haw!!🤠

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Published 10 Jun 2026