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Hot Grill ep4. Confession
Main Plot Starts Here
Sally is not doing well. In fact, Sally has been doing shitty for a very long time. In fact, Sally is having one of her biggest identity crises right now. You see, Sally has been the girl who doesn’t make mistakes (most of the time). She says she is very disciplined. She hardly thinks. She just follows. Sure, there were a few rebels going on here and there, but suddenly, all the independence she thought she was having turned out to be shadows of society. Stripped of tennis and good grades, Sally realized she had nothing left. Her drives are all gone, maybe so is her self-esteem. She spent so much time being a good student. She remembers her mom always had that smile after going back from the teacher-parent meeting. All her life, those pathetic 21 years, she loves tennis, music, and imaginary stress with grades, and they don’t seem to matter. Only this time, things tend to get real, and Sally is so scared.
Christmas
2025 has been a year full of first times for Sally. Never have her ever been rejected and degraded hundreds of times. Never have her ever furiously fall in love with someone. Never has she ever been this nervous about her future. Never has she ever felt like such a big ass failure, burning money from her dad, being a disgrace to the family. Alcoholic, drug head, slacker to the fullest means. Sally does not understand — how could some optimistic, naive girl who travelled across 4 states all by herself, turn into this pessimistic young woman who thinks everything is doomed, only within a short span of 4 months?
Sally is so good at sucking up every ounce of available information that she could possibly spot. She learned so much. She learned that the world is so big, the expectations for a new grad now are different than ever. She felt like she had been wasting her time devoting precious energy to the tennis team, starting Instagram accounts that she thought is unreplacable, worrying about athletic performance that really just does not matter, doing homework, and having grades that ultimately end up being just a fancy number that is only going downwards. Sally thought she was her own anchor, but not really. She realizes that she is turning to her family and boyfriend, and oftentimes she thinks of her mom, which has never happened before. She just thinks, what would my mom do, as a sentimental woman from whom she gained everything, every trait, every rizz, every gene from? How? Sally is sad again. Every time she thinks of how she was being a careless little brat, she becomes sad.
Sally used to be pretty passionate about coding and solving problems, but now that she realizes she sucks, she does not even want to try anymore.
But Sally did have the most wonderful summer in 2025, having everything earned by herself. She hopes that her dad will be proud of her for trying to be independent. She also had the most wonderful winter, spending time with both her sister and her boyfriend alongside many other wonderful friends. Felt so loved, she says, and Sally was looking for this break for a long time, and so she thought.
Anxiety
But most people she knows have post-grad things figured out. Even the girl who always leeches off other people’s assignments. The guy whose grade tanks. Big companies, big paychecks, and so there is she. Sally is proud of going to some of the best high schools and being one of the hardest workers. She is always disciplined and gritty, but now she realizes that her passion is built upon performance, and she tried so hard her entire life just to be normal and barely survive in the US. Does any of this actually mean anything? The comparison never stops, and sometimes she would wake up really early, hyperventilating about a million what-ifs. Her clock is ticking, and her excuses are running out. Seeing code or any school / work-related things makes her nervous and want to puke. She knows she should take advantage of the winter break to rest and recharge for a better comeback, but anxiety has become her best friend!!! She struggles to fall asleep sometimes, and she struggles to truly relax and chill. She went to the club with her friends yesterday and had the best ever dance session, however the moment the music stops, she started hyperventilating. Missing recommendation letters, 0 offers… What the hell?! And her heart beat one pace faster again.
Sally should wait, and Sally should chill.
Next up:
Hot Grill ep6. I Had a Conversation with Sally
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