Check My Other Posts!
Senior @ Deis. ep0. It's Hidden!
Main Plot Starts Here
I dropped 3 clubs and 2 courses. I mean, I feel like one of them is kind of dead anyway. But I definitely feel better and start understanding why I always feel like dragging a package for my last three years. My friend who just graduated told me she “started caring less and less about things.”
Current Stream
I was just applying to a bunch. Almost felt like a bot, and I haven’t even applied that many. Chirag always told me quality over quantity. I am not trying to play the number game here, but I think I was indeed being a bit stubborn. Chirag said he has 20+ resumes for his applications.
I asked him if he could grill my resume. Being a good friend, he did grill it head to toe. I agree and disagree with a lot of what he said, but I am noticeably getting mad. I am always so scared of people pointing out to me what is wrong, and I hate myself for that. I was arguing about not having that many bullets, and he said you have to play the game to beat the ATS.
You said you have applied to more than 50, and have only heard back for 1-2 OAs? If your resume is that good, you should have around 10 calls. XYZ from XYZ called me because he noticed the XYZ keyword that I listed. Recruiters are dumb. They don’t even spend more than 1 minute on your resume…
And lowkey I crashed out again. I was so upset. I got rejected and obviously I am expecting it. But why am I still disappointed? Joe Delfino is being too nice to me, telling me that rejections do not necessarily mean you are underqualified. But the truth is I AM underqualified. I have never really hard-prepped anything in a meaningful way, and I am scared that if I actually prep I will still get lost. I think I should stop asking for mental comfort from AI or nice professors. I know where I am at, and I think it’s time to make a change.
Time flew by quite fast, and I like that. I am having emotional attachments to the little things that are with me every day. Headphones (I love Bose. Bose loves me.) Rings. Free earrings I got at a beauty shop before high school graduation. And my laptop of course. Typing feels like a privilege. And how could I possibly forget to mention. House music. Those sets men. I need to set up posters. Those headliners have almost become symbols or concepts to me. So unreachable, but I am so in love.
I am talking to so many people and making so many connections. Feel like a bot again. I hate this game but everybody is in it.
I really dislike so many things. Why do humans need socializing to survive? Don’t give me the loner in the room bs. Loner in the room still texts, calls, watches shows, and scrolls through reels. They are all evidence proving that he is in a non-simulated environment, or is he?
I was just brushing up on trees because I realized that if I don’t try my best for this current juncture, then I am not trying at all. Lying to myself is worse than lying to others.
The perfume I am wearing right now reminds me of last year so vividly. So much has happened. How??
It’s actually fear that was driving me forward right now. A frog once told me, Fear is good.
During dinner last weekend, while drinking wine (lol), Zee said that he viewed my blog too. Everything on my sketchy GitHub. Holy god. He said, Shut up, yes, I viewed it. And so drop dead.
It’s just so much going on. Every second I feel like I was not trying, I can feel other try-hard kids stepping upon me, and I was not even trying that hard.
But, but, I really need to remind myself, and share with you guys, good things are happening. Talking with my favorite professors is so therapeutic. I finally realized that I have always been free. It’s all in my mind.
During the first class of my MUS 136 Critical Listening class, we were asked to get to know our neighbors and introduce them to the class. Creative ice breaker.
It was not until 10 minutes after my neighbor girl, who wants to be a surgeon, finished introducing me as an aspiring SWE + DJ, that I realized that I didn’t mention tennis even once in my 3-minute self-intro. I totally forgot that I play college tennis. The concept of tennis did not even pop up once this whole time, and I've never felt so free.
Next up:
Senior @ Deis. ep2. October.
🫡🫡🫡
Since you've made it this far... Why not connect with me on LinkedIn?
Published